Sense of Self from a Developmental Perspective

From a developmental perspective, the sense of self refers to a child’s emerging understanding

of themselves as a distinct and continuous individual—separate from others—with their own

thoughts, feelings, actions, and identity. This foundational capacity begins in infancy and

becomes more complex through ongoing interactions with caregivers and the environment.

Key Developmental Stages:

👶 Infancy (0–18 months)

Early signs of self-awareness appear through sensory and motor experiences. Responsive

caregiving helps infants differentiate themselves from others, laying the groundwork for a core

sense of being.

Focus: Feeling safe, secure, and seen

● Respond consistently to cries and cues (shows the baby their needs matter).

● Engage in face-to-face play (peek-a-boo, mirroring expressions).

● Use warm, affectionate touch and tone to build trust.

● Narrate simple daily routines: “Now we’re putting on your socks!”

● Follow the baby’s lead in play, even if it’s just banging a spoon.

🚼 Toddlerhood (18 months–36 months)

Self-recognition (e.g., in a mirror) and use of personal pronouns ("me," "mine") indicate a

growing awareness of self. Children begin asserting independence, which supports autonomy

and identity development.

Focus: Exploring independence within safe relationships

● Offer choices: “Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?”

● Validate big feelings: “I see you’re frustrated. It’s okay to feel mad.”

● Encourage movement play (running, climbing, dancing) for body awareness.

● Support emerging words: label their feelings and interests.

● Provide safe opportunities to try (and sometimes fail), with gentle encouragement.

🎨 Preschool Years (3–5 years)

Children engage in symbolic play and begin forming a narrative about who they are (“I’m good at drawing,” “I’m shy”). Emotional experiences become more integrated into self-understanding.

Focus: Building identity through play and imagination

● Encourage pretend play: let them take the lead in make-believe.

● Acknowledge their efforts, not just outcomes: “You worked so hard on that tower!”

● Support turn-taking and negotiation in playdates.

● Help name and sort feelings: “You were sad when the block tower fell, and then you tried

again.”

● Foster creativity through art, music, and dress-up.

📚 School Age (6–12 years)

Social comparison and feedback from peers and adults help children form a more stable

self-concept, including moral reasoning and self-evaluation.

Focus: Confidence, competence, and social belonging

● Encourage responsibility (chores, helping with cooking).

● Support problem-solving: “What’s another way we could try that puzzle?”

● Celebrate strengths while normalizing challenges: “Math is tough, but you’re great at

building.”

● Foster friendships through playdates, group activities, or clubs.

● Talk openly about differences and strengths—modeling acceptance.

● Encourage journaling, drawing, or storytelling for self-expression.

🌱 Adolescence (12+ years)

Abstract thinking allows for exploration of identity, values, and beliefs. Teens develop a more

cohesive and internalized sense of self, including future goals and social roles.

Focus: Identity, autonomy, and resilience

● Give space for independent decision-making (while offering guidance).

● Encourage reflection: “What do you think about that situation?”

● Validate growing emotions and struggles—listen more than you talk.

● Support hobbies and passions that connect to their sense of identity.

● Reinforce self-advocacy: practicing how to express needs respectfully.

● Maintain family rituals (meals, game nights) to balance independence with belonging.

✅ Summary:

At every stage, nurturing a sense of self means seeing the child for who they are, honoring

their emotions, and supporting their growth with warmth and connection.

DIR/Floortime Perspective:

In the DIR/Floortime model, a strong sense of self is built through co-regulated emotional

interactions, especially within the first four Functional Emotional Developmental Capacities

(FEDCs). Children come to know who they are through relationships that support emotional

expression, shared problem-solving, and intentionality.

References:

• Greenspan, S. I., & Wieder, S. (2006). Engaging Autism: Using the Floortime Approach to Help Children Relate, Communicate, and Think. Da Capo Press.

• Mahler, M. S., Pine, F., & Bergman, A. (1975). The Psychological Birth of the Human Infant. Basic Books.

• Stern, D. N. (1985). The Interpersonal World of the Infant. Basic Books.

• Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and Society. W. W. Norton & Company.

• Calkins, S. D., & Leerkes, E. M. (2011). Early attachment processes and the development of emotional self-regulation. In K.D. Vohs & R.F. Baumeister (Eds.), Handbook of Self-Regulation: Research, Theory, and Applications (2nd ed.).